It could be a sign of many things.
I took it to mean the following: this should be the day to begin. Writing. Something. So I got myself a wordpress blog and here I am.
Perhaps a little more background information is in order. I’ve lived in Oakland, CA for 14 years. I don’t recall it ever raining in July. My life is the result of my overactive imagination and a continuous sense of ambition. Which is to say, I have very full days. It would follow that since these full days of mine are a result of my actions, I would be happy with them. Surprisingly (perhaps), I often catch myself having a sense of un-fulfillment and the accompanying frustration. Somewhere in the recesses of my mind is a list of things that I would do if…writing is on that list. Writing any number of things. I have all sorts of ideas about what to write. And for a while now I’ve been thinking, well I should just start writing whatever. Just to be writing. And then when I woke up today it was raining. And it seemed to me that mother nature had just given me the little push to take one little step in the direction of an idea that was slowly working it’s way into an obsession.
Now time will tell. Will I write? Will it be the salve to my nagging preoccupation with my private list of unfulfilled desires? I’m eager to know. But I like just as much the idea of letting it all unfold without the curiosity of how it will end. (Although I do often skip to the end of a good book, and I have no intention of altering that habit. ) Something tells me that taking time to write regularly within some sort of structure is just the sort of activity that helps a person enjoy the unfolding of life without so much emphasis on the end result.
Because I think introductions are important I’m compelled to further justify my beginning with two more thoughts that I’ve borrowed from other people. These are the sort of thoughts that run through my head frequently, in particular today as I was tending to the other parts of my life all the while anticipating sitting here writing – they came to me.
My mom often quotes a friend of hers who said: 99% of work is just showing up. Well, here I am!
And the other is longer but I figured that it’s best to offer it here all the same. As far as I know, Martha Graham is credited with saying:
“There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium; and be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is, not how it compares with other expression. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is a queer, divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.”
I think I know what she means. At the very least, I know that those words strike a chord within me. They give me a sense of feeling that I really must continue onward. And so, here I am!
And with that, I think I’ve completed at least a -good enough- first pass at answering the question, Why me, here?