Author Archives: elizatwist

Pilates: A Truly Integrative System of Exercise

I’ve primarily taught alone in a little private studio for eight years.  (This has shaped my teaching practice in some ways for the good and in some ways for the not so good.  But I’ve come to understand that there is no point in chiding myself for reality, so I’ll just leave it at that.)  One thing that I have consistently done during that time is invite other instructors to teach my clients.  We all learn something in the process and I am always grateful for the sharing that happens.  On one occasion, an instructor – I honestly do not remember who – told a client – exactly who, I also forget – that we always keep our eyes open in Pilates.  This client told me about the correction and I’ve been pondering it ever since.  I’d never made a big deal about the eyes open thing, because I didn’t understand the purpose behind the rule.  I love teaching because in practice, the things that we don’t really know or understand all eventually rise to the surface.  If we are diligent, we go ahead and figure those things out as they come up.  Or sometimes we just quietly think about them for a few years….eventually though, the opportunity to really become informed presents itself.

A while back I asked my body worker what she thought about it since eyes open and eyes shut is part of how she checks in with my body at the beginning of every session.  She said something to the effect that we experience our bodies differently based on whether we are looking outward with eyes open or inward with eyes shut.  That got me thinking about how Pilates gives us an opportunity to inhabit our bodies fully while being present to the world around us.  Which is no small feat.  Indeed, it is a very human challenge, bridging this gap between heaven and earth as we do in every living moment.  Now that I teach in a primarily group format, my clients are constantly having to practice self-awareness while interacting with the entirety of the studio (babies, toddlers, equipment, other students, nannies, husbands and all).  For some this may seem less than ideal because it is so important to focus very carefully on their bodies, especially in the case of injuries.  While I can understand that point completely, I actually think that having a place to practice holding one’s own in a somewhat complicated, but controlled environment is a really great and unique opportunity.

As I said it’s a great challenge of our life in the United States: to care for ourselves in the face of a busy and stimulating world.  While it’s one thing to go inward and cultivate a sense of self in stillness and tranquility, it’s another thing all together to do the same while moving through a bustling environment.  To me this yet another demonstration of what sets Pilates apart from other forms of exercise.  Pilates is intelligent exercise for people living in a contemporary urban environment.  Pilates is designed to help us balance out the complications of such a lifestyle.  And it does so beautifully.

What with My Pilates Boost in full swing amidst the bustle of our little family’s days sometimes just doing the exercises feels like a real accomplishment for me, especially given the complicating factor of cross country travel – only now do I feel my normal daily rhythms taking hold again.  When my workout serves me more as a respite than anything else, I might allow myself to close my eyes here and there.  But recently I’ve been catching myself and watching carefully the resulting change in my experience.  On a subtle level I have detected a change when I keep my eyes open.  It reminds me of my beloved dance teacher who would often have us all move around the room making eye contact and tracking the spaces in between the other dancers.  It all seemed rather artsy to me at the time.  But then as now, I do detect a slight enhancement of the movement experience.  Sort of like all the colors brightening a bit in a digital photo editor.

And of course, The Fajardo Method of Holistic Biomechanics ™ has an answer for me.  Did you know that our eyes connect to each and every one of our internal organs via connective tissue?  They do!  This means that on a subtle level when we use our eyes to look around we are stimulating our viscera.  Our organs are in constant motion and they are naturally disposed to be involved in every movement that our bodies make.  Consciously looking with our eyes is a basic way that we initiate movement from the very depths of our bodies.  Isn’t that cool?!  I tell you, this body sleuthing stuff is loads of fun!

There are other ways that Pilates stimulates all levels of our bodies for a truly integrated exercise experience.  But these days I’m enjoying this subtle way in which Pilates enriches our human experience.  Now, I know a couple very good reasons to keep my eyes wide open while I practice my Pilates.

Our New Hampshire Visit

I really do love to visit new places and see how other folks live.  Given that I’ve been following bloggers who live in the northeastern United States of America for the past couple years and that some dear friends and family members also have strong ties to that region, it was fun for me to poke around and see what I noticed.

Once we left RDC, we didn’t have a plan other than to get to the farm where we would be spending the night.  Given that Sunday was my husband’s birthday I let him decide what we’d do.  I’d already mentioned Christine’s recommendation of the local Science Center to him, since I’ve come to appreciate her unsurpassed skills as a connoisseur of all things beautiful.  Given that our boy has been asking to see animals for weeks and we’ve repeatedly opted not to visit the zoo due to busy days, he thought that spending time with animals was in order.  So we stopped at a shop and asked where we could catch glimpse of some living creatures.  And sure enough, they confirmed what we’d already heard, so up the road we went.

nhnsc sticker

My first stop was the bathroom and it was there that I formed my first impressions of the place.  I have had one other public restroom experience that comes close to the one that I had right off Squam lake and that was in the Louvre.  (Sure you have to pay to pee, but the individual rooms are cleaned after each and every usage!  I rejoined my husband in an exhilarated state, very eager to spend more money for the sheer expression of my enthusiasm.  The only thing for sale though was highly stylized toilet paper and he immediately vetoed my plea.)  What could possibly trump super clean toilets?  Compostable ones!

compostable toilet sign

Better in so many ways.  Perfectly odorless!  Respectful of nature!  Water conserving!  I could go on if I actually knew anything about compostable toilets.  But I don’t.  Someday though, I will learn.  And if there was ever a good idea worth spreading, I do believe that compostable toilets fit the bill.  Straight out of the gate, this place had earned my highest esteem.

Meanwhile, my poor husband was having a different sort of experience.  Our son has a thing for girls about four feet high, and he was love sick since we’d just said goodbye to his newest object of affection.  That coupled with the fact that it really was his nap time made for a very crabby little boy.  When we passed another girl along the path, he reached and cried out for her, “girl!!!”  And he continued to do so for the next half hour.  The first exhibit was not a live one and somehow my husband had the idea that perhaps all the exhibits were actually just examples of taxidermy.  He was ready to demand our money back right then and there but I convinced him that they wouldn’t have said “live” animals unless there really were some.  So with crying babe in arms, we pressed on.  But we went right instead of left.  We passed through what we thought was one exhibit but didn’t see any animals and I conjectured that the enclosures were so big that perhaps the animals were off sleeping, or even more likely scared away by the repeated and impassioned cry, “GIRL, GIRL, GIRL!”  After what seemed like a very long time (crying babies make every moment drag on forever don’t they?) we arrived at a pond and spent some time watching a salamander.  With the thought that perhaps the only creature we were going to see was a salamander, we continued up a trail until it became clear that we were entering the woods and leaving the well traveled path.  Lucky for us we turned around and then things started looking up.  We did see a couple more girls and they were gracious enough to entertain our boy’s whims.

We dabbled in some of the very cool exhibits.  This is where I had a bit of a revelation, because I was actually enjoying myself as I read the small snippets of information about the natural world.  I have never been one to enjoy zoos, museums, or any place that presents broad swaths of information without much depth.  I like to dig deeply into topics of interest.  But being with a kid, keeping tabs on him and having a few spare moments in between to read an interesting fact here and there gave me a new insight into why such places can be enjoyable.  It’s actually pleasant to be able to take in some interesting facts about the natural world while making sure that our kid doesn’t cause himself bodily harm while he explores the exhibits in his own way.  I do love it when I realize another little way that my life has changed for the better since becoming a mama.  And the exhibits were really fun for our boy too.  As we went from one to the other, I became more and more impressed.  And then we saw the bears.

bear photo

That was really fun.  Dare I indulge myself with how cute and cuddly they looked?  To borrow my son’s current affirmation, oh yes!  Along with other guests, we spent a good long while appreciating those bears.  I was reminded of the funny things that the bear does in this quirky and very enjoyable read as I watched the antics of the smaller bear while he sat right in front of us.  Husband and boy continued on through the exhibit at a leisurely pace.  I had become quite cold (how about that weather?!  Bless New Englanders for living in a place where Mother Nature’s most temperamental side is so often expressed!), and hungry so I beat a hasty retreat to the car.

We left Squam lake happy and had a lovely drive to Breakwind Farm just outside of Concord.  Except.  We missed an exit.  And so we had to turn around.  But the only way to do that was to cross through a toll plaza.  We had to pay to leave and we had to pay to return.  So essentially we paid one dollar to make a u turn.  Which is fine on one hand, I’m all for chipping in for such well maintained roads.  But, as our hosts at the farm pointed out, in principle it seemed a little contrary to the state motto.  Which by the way, is so catchy that it’s the only one that I actually know by heart.

Our time at the farm was brief but really enjoyable.  Patti and Rick impressed me with how sensible and thoughtful they are.  We got to hear fun stories about chickens and squirrels, and not so fun ones about other rodents.  Our boy got to sit on the tractor and then watch Rick move it around.  Their kitty cat is a sweet cuddly bundle of silken-fluff and she was happy to let our little one pet her, a rare treat since our cat back home barely tolerates such things.  While our boy napped, we stole some time to swap ideas and gain insights into the local culture.  Rick is the one who told me that the outhouse is a celebrated status symbol in their neck of the woods (just do a search on amazon.com and you’ll see on your screen what any New Hampshirite sees upon entering a bookstore, according to him).  A funny idea to me, but after those compostable toilets I was really tuned into the topic.  We found them through airbnb and apparently so do many others.  It was cool to be part of the stream of international folks who stop in for a visit and catch a glimpse of the renaissance of the small organic farm.  I imagine that it is fun for them too as life on the farm is full of work and frustrations.  Having the company of friendly and enthusiastic guests must ease the daily burden of the never-ending toil that is running a small farm and learning all the while.

We enjoyed dinner at a fairly common restaurant.  Since most places are closed on Sundays, we didn’t have that many options.  It was sort of like eating at the house of distant relatives which made the experience all the more appealing since so many people who are dear to me hail from the vicinity.  But the real gem came in the form of one particular magazine from October 8, 1951.  Honestly, I do not think that I could have been happier.  Happy as in if the whole trip was for the purpose of my discovering this one thing that I’ve been dreaming of finding for years, I would have been okay with that.  Both Amanda and Christine have waxed on about thrifting no matter the circumstances and I’ve always wished that I was the sort of person who thrifts.  But I don’t manage to set enough time aside for such things to yield the results of my ambitions.  I’ve always thought that thrifting was the sort of thing that one had to do consistently to experience any measure of success.  Or perhaps it’s just a matter of having access to the right places.  Every once in a while though, I make a serious score.  Oh how I love the thrill of satisfaction that comes from acquiring a treasure with minimal outlay!  As we were being led to our table, my eye spied some shelves filled with old magazines for sale.  Once we were settled in I looked up the exact date of the issue of my desire and then the hunt was on.  The magazines were ordered by year, each one wrapped in a plastic sleeve.  It didn’t take long to find what I was seeking.  After putting $8 rolled up to fit through the hole in the honor system box, I had my catch.  Here are the pics, taken right on the floor of our home office, just to show that I’ve got the real deal right here with me.  I’m still reveling in my luck at getting to experience first hand so much of the fun that I’ve been reading about for nearly two years!

JHP and Peters, page 1

peters, page 2

peters, page 3

peters, page 4

On the morning of our last day of vacation we followed the recommendation of our hosts and headed up Mt. Kearsarge.  It was an absolutely beautiful drive.  We agreed that it would probably be bursting with fall colors in just another week, but for us the woods were still an extravaganza of lush greens.  Upon checking in at the state park gate, the very friendly park steward told us that we only had to pay if we were planning to stay (at the onset our idea was just to drive up and drive back down).  Her common sense-driven leniency mitigated any lingering sense of injustice that we may have had from our experience at the toll crossing and we were feeling pleased to visit such an all-around lovely place.  When we reached the end of the auto road, the parking lot was cloaked in fog.  As we stood there, the fog rolled off to reveal a spectacular view.  The boys became enthusiastic about hiking but I preferred to stay warm in the car and to clear my head by writing some of my thoughts down.

With that we completed our sojourn in New Hampshire.  I do hope to be back soon.  It is a truly beautiful state with friendly folks and all sorts of hidden treasures just waiting to be discovered.

Taking Pilates on the Road

Excepting a couple weekend jaunts in October, we are now home for a while and I must say that I’m happy to be here.  I do love to travel, but I am challenged by the sense of upheaval that I always feel when leaving home.  My Pilates routine did end up suffering a bit over the past couple weeks.  That’s a bit of a bummer for me, but I’ve come to realize something about My Pilates Body Boost:  it’s become my new Pilates reality.  When I finish up the project, I’m just going to keep on going indefinitely.  Falling off the wagon a wee bit for the benefit of sharing some new and wonderful experiences with my boys was a perfect trade.

Perhaps my sense of upheaval upon departing home has to do with the fact that I tend to pack a lot of life into my days.  As we were getting ready for a long day of travel that began at four am, I was getting crabbier and crabbier.  Mostly I was thinking about how impossible I’ve made my life to leave and ironically (at least in print) how impossible it is to take with me.  You know, the irrationality of emotions.  The result of all this brooding was that the computer stayed home and so did all my herbal supplements and breast-milk-boosting vitamins.  Upon choosing not to pack that all up, I repeatedly told myself as I puttered around:  I’m going to rely on tree medicine and stress-free living for the next week.  It mostly worked, the only thing lacking was sleep.  But the trees and the sounds of the lake (minus the power boats), made up for that within twenty four hours of our arrival.

In the middle of Thursday night, my husband woke me from a deep sleep when he said:  “Oh my, a giant spider!!!”  This is perhaps the worst thing that a person could say to me in the middle of the night.  (When I attended sleep-away camp as a teen my tent-mates claimed that I would sit up in my bed during the night frantically screaming “bugs, bugs, bugs!”)  I am a city mouse, no two ways about it.  And my city of choice has remarkably few bugs, which really works for me.  That night, after having a few freak outs in which I frenetically brushed off my entire body and vigorously shook my hair, after going to the bathroom, after my husband thoroughly checked the bed and realized that there was not actually a spider but that he’d had a dream, after I laid in bed for nearly two hours, after my son cried out the name of his current 11-year old object of affection but by some grace did not actually awaken, I realized that I had myself a bit of insomnia.  So I got out of bed and wrote out all my thoughts which is roughly when this post took shape.  The cool thing is that I was no worse for it in the morning.  Tree medicine is potent stuff.

My time at Taproot’s Squam gathering kicked off with Phoebe’s class and what a joy it was!  Meeting Phoebe was a real treat for me.  She is the picture of poise and honest good sense, in my opinion a perfect combination.  I had intended to make something with my favorite pair of overalls from my youth as the point of the class was to weave something special from our childhood into a new toy.  It hadn’t occurred to me that a goose would be the ideal animal for me to make since it was my main nickname as a child, until I was sitting there in class.  I made the goose but didn’t end up finding a way to involve the overalls that didn’t completely take away from the goose.  So another project awaits me.

mama goose

Which brings me all the way back home to one of my very favorite places that I have been meaning to share with Adele ever since we met.  I am hoping to have a post on Castle in the Air very soon.  Throughout my days at Squam, I kept thinking of Castle in the Air, I guess that it’s my local source of what Squam does for so many people.  More on that to come, I promise.

It wasn’t long before we broke the ice with the other families in attendance.  Kids take care of that, which is great for parents who might tend to be shy at large gatherings of people far from home.  Being part of the family flurry made for non-stop entertainment and kept the feeling awkward-at-being-in-a-new-place to a minimum.  It became something of a private joke, since this most frequently occurred when I was the only adult with a couple kids, how many times I was mistaken for somebody else’s husband’s wife or child’s mother.  Clearly in the eyes of camp we were something of a unit, an entertaining and appreciated unit.

snack with a view

When we conceived of the idea of attending the gathering we were looking for a vacation.  That meant that there had to be something for us both to enjoy and so Friday was my husband’s day to express his creativity in the woods.  He took  Thea’s class which he really enjoyed and we’ve got some beautiful photos to show for it.  My personal favorites are below.  As I am a lover of all varieties of moss and tiny plants, I asked my sweetie to take the first one and he graciously complied.  Thea gave her class participants a little gift which I ended up with since it’s perfume.  Funny, because I’d been fantasizing about perfumes that serve a higher purpose rather than just being headache producing.  I love that this one is also bio-energized just like my favorite skin care products (again, a couple other posts on the topic are in the queue.)  But really I love that coming so far from home, I am reminded of what I love most in my little world and find new connections to those loves in the wider world.  To me, that’s some of the best that adventure has to offer.

moss varieties

floating leaf lake squam

As far as my Pilates workouts, I just did them in the cabin while the baby slept.  But we did manage to capture a few shots of me by the lake.  One of my favorite things to do with him is to collaborate on creative projects.  He is such a talent and so perfectly complimentary to me in that he is the one that makes so many of my visions come into being.  It is so wonderful to go on an adventure as a family because we bring the best of ourselves, the relationships that we share, along for the journey.  Here are the best ones in no particular order.

open leg rocker

 

shoulder bridge

 

leg pull front

 

bicycle

 

balance control

 

swimming

 

double leg kicks

 

single leg kicks

 

I loved the fair and so wish that I’d had some money to spend on all the beautiful wares.  Hopefully by next time.  Phoebe’s booth was such eye candy!  But my favorite booth was Stephinie’s because it was a such a pleasant surprise to see her there.  Seeing her beautiful baby quilts, silks, and garlands live and in person was a real treat.  They are stunning.  I especially loved her new garland with the phases of the moon.  Someday…

Rockywold Deephaven Camp is an amazingly beautiful facility.  Being there really clued me in to what makes Squam possible in some ways.  I’m not sure why it didn’t dawn on me before, but Squam is sort of like camp for crafty adults.  And if you’re going to go to camp, you want to do it where people know how to camp.  It seems that generations of camp enthusiasts at RDC have perfected the balance of rustic charm and creature comforts.  Being there once makes me hungry for more, to be sure.  The beauty of camp is that it brings us back to ourselves and then we take that experience back into our world to live our days with a little more fullness, joy, and communion with all the life that surrounds us.  The magic of camp is within us all the time, it’s just good for us to go into the woods to rediscover it periodically, once a year at least.  In the between times, we can cultivate that magic in any number of ways.  I’m thinking of one book in particular that has often served me as a reminder for the potential within us that camp reveals.  And so it is that I return to the normalcy of life, with a little more magic woven in than before thanks to my time shared with some lovely companions on lake Squam.

 

Diving Right in: Pilates at Squam

swan dive

 

We are back in home!  Travel from coast to coast was no small feat for our family of three, we had our share of moments.  (Given that we just spent time in the woods with two lovely families, one with four kids and the other with six, it seems pitiful to even comment on our trials with one kid, but I suppose for each the challenge according to their number of offspring.)  Upon leaving squam, we agreed:  we actually had a vacation.  The last time that we agreed on that point was in 2009 before we were married.  Our primary mission was accomplished and with that I traveled home a bit lighter.  But returning to life, with all its in-progress-challenges, well that’s a series of other stories to unfold over an unknown length of time.

As I anticipated, all sorts of thoughts inhabited my mind while we were away.  Given our absurd amount of stuff (we could barely carry it all – there really were some airport scenes that were movie-comedy-worthy), we left my laptop at home.  This proved to be something of a disappointment for both us adults at some point during our journey, but that’s the fun of an adventure, having to make do with the unfamiliar.  The upshot is that I have A LOT to share this week, and maybe next depending on how re-entry goes.

I really did try to follow my own instinct and Elizabeth’s advice with regard to arriving at squam with a clean slate of expectations.  But I was (too) eager to share.  I’ve got two years of ideas under my belt and some of them just seem too good to keep to myself.  I would not be true to myself if I did not say that I experienced some disappointment with respect to my expectations.  Damn expectations, they are pretty much designed to be that way aren’t they?!  But at every turn, squam provided me with the salve that only a friendly face and an open ear can provide.  Ultimately, I know that I will find my way, I just don’t have it mapped out.

Here’s the essay that I wrote to organize my thoughts for the Pilates talk that I set out to give on Saturday morning, I’d always planned on posting it here since I figured that I’d probably go off on tangents and it can be equally useful to read ideas as it can be to hear them spoken.

I dedicated this talk to Romana Kryzanowska since it occurred within twenty-four hours of her memorial service in New York city – so close, yet still so far from where I was on the globe. 

Have you ever witnessed the surprising strength of a person under the age of three?  

Now that I have spent every day of the past two plus years with such a person I have a deeper understanding of that strength.  I’m come to see that very small people can be very strong when they align their will with the physical force of their bodies.  In my work as a Pilates instructor I see adults who perform in sharp contrast to that perfect and holistic alignment.  In those simple terms, it is easy to see how much we each stand to benefit from practicing Pilates.

At it’s most fundamental level, Pilates is designed to bring us back into alignment.  Physical alignment.  Mental alignment.  Spiritual alignment.  That all adds up to and alignment of our entire selves.  I have come to think of Pilates training in two categories, there are the moves themselves which are very thoroughly researched and well designed, by Joseph Pilates the originator of the method.  The idea is to move the body with a constant balance of stretch and strength.  In each move, the entire body is called to participate.  In the system of Pilates, we perform movements varied on a few themes in all manner of relationship to force, support, and gravity.  Through the varied practice of the basic concepts, we quickly learn a new and improved way of moving, thinking, and being.  Secondly, there are the concepts underlying the moves.  This is the control piece of the Pilates definition.  It is also the mental piece.  The spiritual piece is perhaps a bit more elusive in definition.  It comes as a direct consequence of the physical and mental practices and their unification.  I think that it’s safe to say that the spiritual aspect of Pilates is what keeps people coming back.  Aside from feeling good on the physical level and stimulating and interesting on the mental level, Pilates tends to leave us feeling uplifted and inspired.

Once the various pieces of ourselves begin to come back into alignment, we often experience a new sense of confidence and enthusiasm for what is possible.  At this point we are well on our way to reclaiming that pure unification of will and physical strength that so typifies the very young.  Now, for a moment, imagine having a clear sense of your desires and a confidence that they will come to fruition.  That right there is what so many of us are looking for in this complicated contemporary life of ours.

I came to Pilates in a rather indirect way.  I completed a locally based certification program that was very removed from the way that Joe Pilates taught the work.  Sadly, this is more common than not at this point in the history of Pilates.  For reasons of which I am not aware, Pilates has been consistently pirated for the past four decades.  By pirated I mean that people have broken away from their teachers and begun putting their own spin on the work.  Because of the infinite variations that exist in our experiences, this can very quickly give way to many disparate things being called by the same name.  Now to be fair, keeping true to the original is a nearly impossible task and what’s more, it’s not that the innovations of all these people leads to bad stuff, it’s just not really Pilates as Joe Pilates designed it to be.  Now that I have had the benefit of being trained by the very person who Joe Pilates put in charge of keeping his method alive, and now that I have had the benefit of learning from many others who have worked closely with her and who feel a very strong degree of motivation to keep the work alive, I have come to realize that staying true to the original while honoring our experiences in present time is a daily challenge.  Not surprisingly, it is a job that requires the unification of will and physical strength.  In order to do the work, we must keep our minds alert, and our bodies sensing.  We must come to understand the physical sensations of properly executing a Pilates workout, we must understand what creates those sensations, and we must share that knowledge.

While it is important to find a teacher who will guide you correctly into the Pilates method, it is equally important to train yourself to be a good learner.  Pilates moves are great, but they are only a small piece of the work.  The concepts are the real heart of the method, and while a teacher can talk till they are blue in the face, only the learner can actually embody the concepts of Pilates.  To my mind, that makes Pilates special.  I see Pilates as part of a transition in our human consciousness.  If we look back to the the period around the turn of the 20th century, with a particular attention on what was happening in physical practices, we find three luminaries:  Frederick Matthias Alexander, Joseph Pilates, and Moshe Feldenkrais.  I like to think of those three as pioneers of a new movement in western culture.  I have a sense of what I call collective consciousness, I am not particularly thorough in my understanding of the term, rather I’ve sort of developed my own definition.  Basically, I think of those three, but I know that there must have been many others who were beginning to understand all sorts of interesting and beneficial things about our bodies and how they work.  They each managed to create a system based on their discoveries in their lifetimes and to share their systems with enough people so that today we can learn and benefit from what they figured out on their own.  Surrounding these individuals, there were most assuredly others who were working on similar types of discoveries and methods and as time passed and we entered the twentieth century more and more people made discoveries and created methodologies of sharing those discoveries and their benefits with others.

Fast forward to the present day and we each have many more ways to learn about our bodies and to support optimal functioning than our counterparts of the late 1800s.  We are indeed living in a time of discovery and development, and the terrain is our own bodies.  For my part, I find this all very exciting and I am passionate about infusing others with my excitement and helping them to live more fully in their bodies.

I am here at this gathering because aside from loving my work with the body.  I also love to cook healthy food from scratch, and make things.  I am the sort of person who used to fantasize about making all my own plates.  I’ve had my own business since I just before my 28th birthday.  Up until then I’d been working in some capacity as a teacher while always studying movement since I graduated from college.  In short, my interests in the human body left me precious little time for craft and cooking and kept me in the city where teachers were abundant.  I’m in a way pulled in two directions by these two loves.  The desire to create my world through craft and the desire to create my life through mastery of my body.  That is not to mention the necessity of earning money.  In my twenties, it became clear that I could earn a decent living as a Pilates instructor and when I became a business owner I had the opportunity to channel a good deal of my creative impulses into the work of building an enterprise.  Overall, it is fulfilling work for me and I continue to be driven by passion.

When I tapped into the world of taproot, I felt a sense of belonging there.  But by the time I’d arrived, I’ve established myself in my own work and because of that, I came as a creator in the broader sense of the word.  My daily work is in tending to my body, tending to my son, and tending to the bodies of my clients.  I still craft and cook, but the most of my creative impulses go into my Pilates practice, personal and professional.  This has led me to an interpretation of what folks like me are doing in the arena of our bodies.  We are helping us all to live more fully in our bodies and in doing so we are making our unique contributions to our collective advancement.  Because of who I am and because of my two loves, I see a relationship between the two.  I see that making something that we will use and cherish with our own two hands gives us a sense of empowerment and presence in this world of ours.  I see that understanding our bodies and having control to move with grace and power has a similar effect.  I see how both are rooted in being ourselves.  I see how both give us a sense of influence on the world around us.

We all see the world through the lens of our passion and in so doing are able to draw connections between what may seem to others to be disparate things.  When I first entered the blogosphere I was amazed at how many blogs there were about food.  After some reflection, I arrived at my first conclusion about why this is so (I’ve since deepened my understanding), we each eat every day.  Food is one of our basic commonalities.  If I follow that line of logic, then our bodies are clearly another shared experience.  But at this point in history, our bodies are still easily objectified or ignored.  We have a harder time embracing talk or thought about our bodies than we do about projects that we do with them.  I think that this indicates room for improvement and healing.  I think that this indicates that these days, our bodies are one of the frontiers of our collective advancement.  The groundwork has been laid by generations of study and development.  Now it is just a matter of each of us delving into the work at hand.  Given my experience in this arena, I am comfortable in making a guarantee that only benefits await us on the journey deeper into ourselves.

Pilates has become rather elitist and sometimes I’ve struggled to reconcile my inner hippie with my chosen profession.  It seems to me that this was important in that it needed to be carefully passed from person to person.  This is a costly enterprise.  But now with the internet and increasing advances in technology, it is more possible to share the work with a broader audience.  This is an exciting time in the development of the Pilates method.  I am eager to share the work.  Now that I am a mom and I understand what a day in the life of a mom is like, I am that much more inspired to offer Pilates in a way that is accessible to people who cannot get to a studio but who have an interest in learning the work and reaping the benefits.  For my part, I am not as available to be in studio since being with my son is my top priority.  Building a teaching practice in which I can do what I love and share what I know on a timetable that works for our family is also part of how my interest in the internet developed.

It is worth mentioning that Pilates was originally taught in a different way than we commonly see it taught today.  When you came to Joe and Clara’s studio, you were told that you had to come three times a week.  You were given lessons, but you were expected to memorize your routine from day one, and very soon, you were only supervised in your workout.  Your teacher did not stay only with you for your entire workout.  You were expected to practice the mat exercises at home.  I learned this information from Jay Grimes, who is one of the teachers that we still have with us who both learned from Joe and Clara Pilates directly and who continued to study with Romana after their passing.  The question that I mulled over for a few years before I went ahead and changed my teaching practice to more closely reflect what Joe and Clara did was why can’t the people of today be empowered in the work in the same way as they could back then.  The answer is, of course, that we can.  And now that I’ve begun to teach in this way I see it with my own eyes.  I have become a much better teacher because the focus in my studio is on the learner not the teacher (thanks to Amanda I was reading John Holt’s books as I was devising my new teaching format and that helped a lot with the philosophical basis for what I’m doing).  And the clients are much better learners because they are empowered as such.  And the Pilates itself?  Well, of course it’s better.  It’s coming from within just as it should.

I have my ideas and I sincerely hope to see them come to fruition.  How that will happen, I don’t exactly know yet.  But I do know this:  Pilates has played a major role in who I am today.  It has given me the confidence to first acknowledge my dreams and then to follow through with action to make them reality.  Along with that, it has given me a way of understanding us and a sense that I can make a positive contribution to our community.  With that I do not have to worry about the how, because I know that I come from a solid foundation.  I cannot think of a better way to begin any worthwhile venture.

Time to Return to Life (with Pilates, of course)

I finally clued in to the reality of these days:  I need to refine my focus for the next couple weeks.  Next week our family heads East to attend the Taproot Gathering, and I am just now wrapping my head around the idea of tidying up loose ends and preparing for unplugging.  It will be a quick trip for us, but a much needed break from the normal.  As I gather my wits, it’s dawning on me that the timing is perfect.  Once we return, I’ve got a solid two months of special projects and happenings in my professional and personal life.  So it’s seeming all the more sane to get organized, unplug, and then re-enter with a renewed sense of vigor and enthusiasm for what awaits me.

I will continue with my Pilates Body Boost, but I won’t share any thoughts or developments on the topic here for a couple weeks.  I’m letting myself off the hook for any writing projects other than the ones that demand to be completed (in other words, the one’s that stand between me and myself – because those sorts do pop up at the most unexpected times, there’s no planning for them).

So here’s to returning to life in all senses of the phrase but always with Pilates!

Rest in Peace Romana Kryzanowska, Keeper of the Flame

You would think that the inevitability of death would mean that when it arrives I am not surprised.  Death’s wake has left me in a state of disbelief two times in one week.  In all the old ways, I’ve slipped away from my Pilates community in the past few years.  This blog and my little studio are what keep me in the work.  That’s where I am when I hear the news that Romana is no longer with us.  And I don’t know what to write or say, only that it bears my sincere and heartfelt acknowledgement.

When I first met Romana in 2004 I cried.  Because I knew I was meeting her so late in her life.  It felt late in my own life, but I was lucky to have what time I did with her and I made the most of it.  Once my own self-involved tears were shed I came to see the situation more broadly and to realize that this is very much a human condition.  We are brilliant innovators, but we each only live so long and only give what we can in every moment, alone we each burn at the equivalent of one small candle.  We become bigger through the creation of our unique contributions, through the relationships that we have, through the memories that those interactions create.  In all those actions of a  lifetime we pass the flame back and forth and depending on our life, by the time we are done, we may leave quite a bonfire behind when we finally say goodbye.

In the face of that enormity our lives are brief.  But it is so important to remember our humanity, our mortality.  Our humanity gives us the opportunity to do what we do and at the same time puts a limit on us.  I think that the limit is the compelling part of it.  The limit is what gives us the drive to share and to expand.  Because without that expansion, we would each be only the light of a single candle.  It is the sharing and the love of our relationships that creates the bright burning fires.

Joseph Pilates created the fire, Romana breathed more and more life into it so that by the time she said goodbye, she was at the center of a great bonfire.  She has left us all with a great gift in the work of Pilates itself.  But perhaps even more, she’s done an excellent job of ensuring that the flame will keep burning, long after Mr. Pilates’ goodbye, and long after her own.

At her purest form, Romana was loving and generous.  We have proof of that in how many more people now have the work of Pilates to share with others.  And now, we may each honor her by continuing on with the great work that she kept alive and by wishing her peace now that her work is done.

Love is all around always.  Romana reminded us of that often.

On the 50th Anniversary of “i have a dream”

I’ve been seeing Dr. King’s photos on the cover of magazines for a couple weeks now but hadn’t had the spare few minutes to read on until a couple days ago.  I will at least be able to consider the monumental anniversary of today, here in front of my computer, before continuing on with the many tasks of my life.  There are two things that feel relevant to me and I realize that the connection is going to seem kind of random.  The main question for me, a person who has always considered the civil rights movement an inspiringly magical time in our country’s history, is where are we now on the journey?  I just read our president’s speech and was happy to be reminded how grateful that I am to have him as our president on every day, but especially today.  He manages to inspire while bringing everything to bear.  He manages to respect us with honesty so that we are empowered to participate.  He said it his way, now I’ll say it mine here in this little corner of cyberspace.  Just to add my voice to the chorus.

These days our passive meditation mode of choice is Glee.  When it comes to movies and TV shows, I am very good at suspending disbelief and just plain being gullible:  it helps me to really experience the show fully.  So I have an easy time with Glee and I’m duly moved with the issues that the show raises.  Lately I’ve been remembering times in my life when I had a vision that was real-life musical theater and how the reality fell short because I don’t have a full cast at my disposal.  This part of me really ought to get a job at Glee (imagine making mini-musicals day in and day out – a dream come true for me), but it’s just a small part of me, not enough to build a career on.

I love to dance and sing, and I love to do these things in regular life, not bathed in lights that separate me from the other people in the room, rather in the company of the people I see regularly and know, for the joy that it brings us.  Sadly, most people don’t seem to realize the benefits of such activities.  And so I rarely sing or dance with others (except now my son has got the idea – maybe all hope is not lost).  I think that this lack of communal singing and dancing is a major problem with our society.  Major.  Singing and dancing together are such basic and wholesome ways for us to nurture and heal our spirits collectively, and yet we seem to be completely ignorant to the opportunity that is always there.  Honestly, it really frustrates me, but again, it’s one of my minor skills in life so mostly the singing and dancing me sits and waits, dormant.

When I think of where we are with respect to racism and segregation, I have mixed feelings.  Some of us do not even think that there is still work to be done.  I do believe that we have much to do, but that the work is of a closer more personal nature.  I was not alive during the civil rights movement and I know precious little about it.  But I have this sense that the many many people involved saw a real reason to bring themselves fully to the movement, and that with so much life force pushing the river, the world was compelled to change.

I cannot help but compare my ideas of the civil rights movement with how we handle similar aspects of our social life today.  Imagine if every citizen of this country took classes about citizenship and appreciated the gravity of the responsibility, imagine if everybody actually voted!  Imagine if we all had a community to call upon – and to really depend upon – in the face of every hardship.  Imagine if we were so convinced of an idea’s importance, or of a basic human value that we were willing to put ourselves on the line for it – body, mind, and soul.  Citizenship is just important today as ever, hardships are an inevitability of life, community and change are a basic human realities.  And yet, on a collective level, we are at a loss of how to live these things.  In that loss, we are not facing ourselves and the realities of our lives.  When I hear of children wielding guns and being killed and other despicable acts of violence, I am reminded of how we are falling short.  It is obvious, and yet we are collectively numb to it.

Joe Pilates made the point:  “As civilization advances, the need for prisons, lunatic asylums and hospitals should steadily decrease.”  He speaks of a basic measure of our collective advancement.  In spite of all that makes me think that we are stagnant, we are moving forward.  These days the work is on a smaller scale and it’s more inward.  These days progress is still being made, even with all the negative talk that we people are so prone to.  These days the noble acts are more mundane, but they are just as important.  This is what privilege looks like.  This is what a maturing citizenry looks like.  Our laws and our social framework are improved, but the work on ourselves as individuals and on the small community scale needs constant attention and is ripe for improvement.

In my romanticization of the civil rights movement, I think of the music shared in protest.  I think of the people together standing up or sitting down.  While the dangers were real, the collective will that stood up to those risks was powerful and enduring, and that shines through in the music.  Now in our more privileged and semi-matured state we do not feel the same drive to face adversity.  We have reached that point where the challenges are subtle enough or where we are numbed enough that we are not willing to risk our whole selves to overcome them.  But maybe that is not what is wrong, rather it is what is.  As much as I look back longingly for a time when the struggle was clear and the response was a simple choice, maybe there is no way in these days to have such a situation repeated.  Maybe retrospect makes it romantic and straightforward.  We are here now because of what happened then.  Let us honor where we are, face our reality with honesty and respect and do our best to continually make improvements.  Then the spirit of what those many people did has not been dampened by fifty years, rather it has grown stronger and matured into what we are now.

In season two of Glee, Rachel couldn’t figure out how to write a song until she really allowed herself to feel her heartbreak over Finn and channel that emotion into her creation.  We are by our very nature creative.  We are by our very nature suffering.  It is a matter of linking the two, of opening the dam of privilege that is holding our experiences back from ourselves.  In this next stage of collective growth, privilege may be our most formidable foe, but I have faith in our hearts to lead us forward.  Every person has heart and soul, every person has the drive to create and to contribute.  If we respect that truth and commit ourselves collectively to honoring it in how we relate to each other we will begin to move in step with the flow of our advancement that is continually carrying us forward no matter which way we are facing.

Clearly the civil rights movement was not about singing, but just as the songs helped the protesters to endure, now they can do something similar for us.  Songs can transport us to a soulful place, they can remind us of what is most important and dear to us.  Maybe now the songs can take us back to ourselves.  To help us remember how much heart and soul we humans live with.  To help us remember how rich life is when we allow the continuous flow of our creativity.

if you can walk you can dance

There’s some real common sense to the Zimbabwean saying.  We could do well to lend our voices to song and our feet to dance a little more often.  After all, who couldn’t use a little more glee?  Come one, you know you want to….

Pilates for a Balanced Life

pilates boost 08-24-13

 

WEEKLY STATS  Weight: 150.5   Waist:  33″  Hips:  40″  Thighs:  22″

The good news first:  I have been very diligent about my workouts.  And while my stats are decidedly unimpressive, the photos reveal that I am steadily growing slimmer.  So my outlook remains good.  I must pat myself on the back because I’ve managed to keep up and thrive in my Pilates practice during a very challenging time.

The bad news second:  Last week was the peak of challenge – days on end without a single stop – I could not believe how much there was to do in every single moment.  And I’m still recovering.  Today is another photo shoot day in my studio which means a lot of work for me.  But it is the last of four and I’m soooo happy to have that project under my belt.  It will be a while before I actually have the photos to work with but my part of the project is almost done.  It was more than I really could do, so it will be good to return to “normal”.

Who would I be without my constantly developing thoughts and ideas about Pilates and life in general?  Today that’s all on hold as I wrap up this wonderful project which has truly been a lot of fun and a great satisfaction for me.

Today, I’ll try a novel approach and take on just one thing at a time.  Starting….now.  Wishing every reader a balanced day!

Saying Goodbye

I just found out that one of my longstanding clients died today.  I am left with sadness and a curious sensation that I do not have the standard outlets of grief.  Having clients, I suppose is similar to having colleagues.  Our relationships are based on the work that we do.  We forge friendships which have a particular container.

Given that my work has mostly been one on one with people, the friendships that I have with my clients are intimate and they stand alone.  In this moment as I am thinking about this person who was so dear to me for many years, I have no one to cry with, no one to remember her with, no one to talk about just how special I felt to have her in my life.  It strikes me as rather strange.  But perhaps this is just how death is.  The emptiness that is there when a person is no longer with us is universal, only the particulars vary.

In my case, today, I have this space that I’ve created here on the internet.  And I am grateful for it.  To have a little place to carve out some time for grieving, is important in this world of ours that tries so desperately to ignore sadness and grief.  As this friend of mine has been facing today for the past few months (she was diagnosed with cancer and knew that her days were most likely few), I too have been considering these moments that I am now living.  I interpret them with my own ideas of death and of spirit and sometimes I just wonder how all those ideas measure up to the reality of it all.

That’s another funny thing about the sort of intimacy with strangers that typifies the Pilates instructor’s relationship to her (or his) clients:  while there is a closeness, there is also a clear boundary.  That makes it easy for me to hold a space in my heart for this friend to just be what she needs to be and die how she needs to die.  I have no demands of her, I have no expectations other than for her to be herself in life and in death.  Which also makes the grief itself feel rather vacuous.

All I know is that she is gone and I cannot believe it.  I cannot imagine that my son will not see her again.  Her’s was one of the first names that he said, he was always so happy to see her, and she him.  And while I made sure to write her a letter, so that I would not think of words unsaid and so that she would know of my love for her as she faced a great challenge, I am left with a small regret.  She wanted to give my son a little present, something from her purse that he and she would look at every time she was in the studio.  And when she offered, I said no, not yet.  Surely we will see you again.

Saying goodbye is strangely indefinite.  Even in the most definite of cases.  As in all aspects of life all we can do is our best and trust our hearts to do the rest.

 

Pilates and My Never-Ending Tailbone Injury

Have I mentioned lately that I injured my tailbone when I was fourteen?  I did.  That was nearly twenty three years ago.  And still, I remember.  Every day.  I have been cultivating a sense of my tail, sacrum, and pelvic bones since I was in my early twenties.  And yet I continue to make discoveries.  I’ve already explained the name of this blog, but it bears repeating because it really is the driving passion behind my life’s work.

As I’ve uncovered yet another layer of my tailbone story I am thinking about why body sleuthing has been so important to me.  If you look at me you will not have the idea that I am suffering from an injury.  I’ve got fairly good posture, I look like I’m in fairly good physical condition, etc.  But I am almost constantly experiencing some amount of pain.  My work in Pilates did not come easily.  When I was an apprentice I was usually a complete wreck by the time I arrived for training (leaving home and business, travel – all those stresses had their impact on my body).  Which is to say that some people do know that I am a “delicate flower”.  But even those people don’t really know the root of the condition.  It is my tail, my literal, physical, emotional, root.  I have enlisted the help of some of the most esteemed teachers on the planet.  And none of them addressed my tail.  I’m not criticizing when I say this, rather I’m making a point.  It is a sort of secret place to have an injury.  Which means that the only way it’s ever going to get acknowledged and addressed is by yours truly.  To me this seems like a great way to ensure that I would someday become a body sleuth.

My tail may be in a private place, but as an injury site, it is pretty darn influential.  Knowing this now, remembering how nonchalant the doctors that I saw were about what happened (just in case you didn’t click over the first time, here you go again) and knowing that I am certainly not the only person to bump her bottom, I feel even more compelled to share my process of living with this injury.  A lot of us are living with unnecessary tension in our bodies.  The precise design of the pattern is unique to each of us, but the story arc is fairly consistent:  injury happens, complete recovery nearly never does.  As Joseph Pilates pointed out back in the mid-twentieth century, we have come to accept poor health as normal.  Given that I’m following Uncle Joe’s advice even more than usual these days, I’ve come back to my base and realized that only way I’m ever going to be pain free is to really address the injury at my tailbone.  Until there is nothing more to be done.  With the help of my body worker, holistic biomechanics, and my chiropractor, I have been making excellent progress.

There are a few aspects to my injury that bear mentioning for the sake of saving others the grief that I have experienced and to serve as another way of illustrating how our bodies work.  As I’ve mentioned before, I took a really cool posture workshop a while back and I’ve been ruminating ever since.  It finally occurred to me that the tension around my tail is inhibiting my body from demonstrating the ideal position of the sacrum with respect to my lumbar spine.  I don’t want to get too technical.  But the point is important:  the tension at the base of spine is exerting pressure all the way up my spine.  That in and of itself is important.  Case in point, in our session yesterday my body worker uncovered and helped my body to unwind a definite tension pattern in the dura that surrounds my spinal cord.

Back to being a Pilates instructor, because we’re all about flexible spines.  Naturally my teachers have all been addressing my spine.  But they’ve been looking higher up where there seems to be an over exaggerated curve (my body correcting for the inability to curve in the lower more appropriate place).  In my obedient diligence so have I.  Which has been great.  As a result of our work, I have a fairly functional spine in spite of it being loaded with tension.  The importance of movement is unquestionable.  But all that moving and fussing around also added more tension to an already loaded system.  Now in addition to a wacky tailbone, I also have a disc or two that periodically goes all haywire (crazy, unpleasant muscle spasms that last for days – and I am a careful exerciser).  I believe that if I had completely addressed my tailbone injury long ago, I would have avoided this other problem.  We’ll never know for sure.

My point is, that when injuries happen, it makes the best sense to really address them.  Often times we can have loss of sense around an injury site due to nerve damage and scar tissue.  So it really is beneficial to get help in sensing and sleuthing to be sure that optimal recovery is achieved.  And, of course, sometimes there is a degree of damage that can not be repaired.  But the number of people out there who can truly help a body recover it’s natural ability and functionality is growing all the time.  Yes I’m talking about “alternative” practitioners, the ones who work with the health of the body, not the disease of the body.  If you are experiencing pain, you can find somebody to help you.  You may very well be able to eliminate all, or a good portion, of that pain.  That is good news worth spreading!

A couple weeks back I was sensing my tail in a Holistic Biomechanics class I was instructed to go and find it.  I couldn’t!  This really freaked me out.  Luckily my chiropractor and body worker helped me to locate my wayward tail tucked up under my sacrum (how pitiful).  Since then I’ve been experiencing the aftermath of my tail falling more into place.  My entire body is unwinding (and sometimes seizing up before finally just letting go).  I will continue to do this work.  The process is only just beginning.

Our bodies are layered.  While a person may not have an injury in such a private place as the pelvic floor, there are layers to injuries.  To really address each and every layer, we have to do some sleuthing and we have to be aware of our bodies.  May practitioners from a wide variety of disciplines are trained to tune into different layers.  Some have a touch for bones, some for muscles, some for fascia, etc.  But we are the only ones inside our bodies.  If we use a method such as Holistic Biomechanics to cultivate an awareness of our inner workings, we will enable the most fundamental layer of self-healing and self-correction with which our bodies are equipped.  This is the good stuff, I’m telling you!  It makes every experience you have with your body that much richer and interesting.

Here’s to body sleuthing and demystifying our bodies for living with normal health – as JHP defined it, of course.