WEEKLY STATS  Weight:  153  Waist:  33″  Hips:  41″  Thighs:  23 1/2″

I did it!  I am underway and feeling a sense of accomplishment for that simple fact.  While I did experience a touch of weariness in the midst of my last workout for the week (starting a new exercise regimen is a different sort of endeavor when one is sleep deprived and overloaded with adult responsibilities), but I’m so glad to be doing this because already I feel a shift in my body.

Overall, my body feels good.  I’m being more proactive about addressing my ongoing physical ailments with this regimen and the benefits are already apparent.

I feel more slender, although it’s difficult to know if its simply a result of improved posture from doing more challenging workouts, or if my body has already started to shed unnecessary weight.  But the experience of feeling slimmer and more attractive is compelling and one of the cool things about Pilates.  The form is so lovely that it infuses how we move in every moment.  I love this about the work.  Good Pilates means looking good.  And that’s all around good!

Martha Graham (a frequent client in the Pilates’ studio) is on record as saying:  “It takes ten years, usually, to make a dancer. It takes ten years of handling the instrument, handling the material with which you are dealing, for you to know it completely.”

More recently Malcolm Gladwell thoroughly explored the idea.  One of my teachers makes the point with respect to Pilates.  It’s a good thing to keep in mind because we tend to be focused on much shorter term projects, at least that’s what we’re telling ourselves all the time.  But those of us who are involved in any sort of ongoing endeavor – and I’d be willing to venture that almost everyone is doing something that fits the bill – know that to feel a real sense of knowledge coupled with demonstrable confidence takes time.  About 10,000 hours, or ten years.  With Pilates, we are not only learning something new, we are unlearning and undoing the movement patterns and muscle coordinations that are not optimal.  This takes time.  Things like injuries, childbearing, and life changes of all kinds, all bring something to bear on the slow and steady process of building a Pilates body.  If we think of it as a long-haul venture, we can not only weather the changes that life deals us, but make the most of them.  Every experience provides us with an opportunity to deepen our practice.

While my size is bigger than it once was, I can say with complete certainty that I am further along in the process of building my Pilates body than when I was a slender young thing.  This is a good thing to remember when I’m feeling downtrodden because I have exactly one pair of pants that actually fits me.  Sometimes, the most important work is happening on the inside and the outside form doesn’t always reflect all of what that work entails.  In looking at my first set of exercise frames, I see that my form is actually pretty good.  I’ll take that as a sign that in the midst of caring for another, I’ve been doing a good job of caring for myself.  Of course improvements are always there to be made and I’m sure that were my teachers to analyze my form, they’d have plenty to correct.  That is the beauty of having a lifelong practice, and having really good teachers.  But for now, I’m my own teacher.  At present I’m staying close to home and my baby boy.  The work of these days is most decidedly inward.  And there is plenty to keep myself busy.

Now that this inward journey has begun, I’m eager to see what is waiting to be revealed as the “exterior extras” melt away.

If you will faithfully perform your Contrology exercises regularly only four times a week for just three months as outlined in Return To Life, you will find your body development approaching the ideal, accompanied by renewed menial vigor and spiritual enhancement.  Contrology is designed to give you suppleness, natural grace, and skill that will be unmistakably reflected in the way you walk, in the way you play, and in the way you work.  You will develop muscular power with corresponding endurance, ability to perform arduous duties, to play strenuous games, to walk run or travel for long distances without undue body fatigue or mental strain.  And this by no means is the end.  -Joseph Pilates, Return To Life Through Contrology

This quotation is up on my studio wall.  In an idle moment recently, I was reading it.  An idea was sparked:  why not accept Joe Pilates’ challenge and put myself to work?  That same day, I proposed to a client that we do the work out from Return To Life Through Contrology.  We did, in proper time (about twenty minutes).  But something didn’t feel right in my back when we were done, so I did a bit of stretching hoping to alleviate the symptoms.  I ended up with a gnarly back spasm that took a few days to unwind despite my rapid response – I was at my chiropractor’s office within a few hours.  With my crushed sense of confidence, the idea was tabled.  About a month has passed and the idea is still rolling around in my head.  I gave it some more consideration and came up with an action plan.  I could use a little boost right about now.

I’ve got four collections of clothing for different sized bodies.  And I barely fit into the largest sizes right now.  While I have managed to hold off the rapid expansion that happened last fall, I am treading water these days, definitely not getting any slimmer.  Since I never followed up on my diet plan of a few months ago and because it fits perfectly with this new project, here’s the simple story:  I read Fallon and Prentice in preparation for this post.  And I was persuaded that since I’m still nursing and hoping to have a second baby in the next year or two, that raw milk, butter, and raw milk cheese ought to remain on my daily list of foods consumed.  As far as the white flour goes, well….I started with the best intentions by consuming only whole-sprouted grains.  But little by little, white flour has crept back into my diet.  And the sugar, well sort of the same thing.  I’m still mostly consuming only whole sweeteners (palm sugar, honey, and maple syrup), but I don’t do well without a daily dose of chocolate (usually when I partake, I remind myself of Deb’s assertion and console myself that at least I’m not eating white flour too).  What’s more is that I’m really not a dieter by nature.  I never have been.  I love to eat healthfully and have continually improved my dietary intake since I was a teenager.  But I’m not keen to adopt a diet that includes deprivation.  I like to eat and I like to do it in the company of others.  And I really like ice cream.  While I understand that a case could easily be made for avoiding it, I never seem to be able to hold on to the idea for very long.  Eventually I end up thinking something along these lines, “this life that I’m living, here in the land of plenty, includes ice cream, why fight it?”  And then I happily partake.

So if I’m not going to lose weight by dramatically altering my food intake, perhaps exercise will do the trick.  I figure that with exercise, not only do I burn calories, I also help myself feel better physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  Pilates is such an incredibly complete and effective exercise system, I really should reap the benefits of what I know by putting myself through its paces, yes?  YES!  And here’s where I have to remind myself of two things.  When it comes to Pilates, I know what I’m doing.  Sure I occasionally throw my back out, but for the most part, when I really put my mind to it, I’m pretty good at the stuff.  And perhaps a bit more importantly, I’ve done this before….

Back when I was a working 6-7 days a week as a certified Pilates instructor and preparing to enter my apprenticeship with Romana, I had an idea.  I was working long hours so as to fund my upcoming training, and I needed to keep myself in the game, body, mind, and spirit.  So I decided to start out each day with a Pilates mat workout.  I’d genie-sit to lay down on my floor (it was nicely padded carpet which made it all quite simple) and perform the “intermediate mat series” at the prescribed rhythm (this would take me 8-12 minutes depending on the day).  The series ends with a genie-stand and I’d go directly to the shower to start my day.  As I walked those ten paces or so, I’d revel in how I was breathless and sweaty.  And soon enough I experience a completely unexpected result, my clothes were falling off me.  Those morning workouts did something for me that nothing else had or has ever done.   Since then my body has gone through a wide variety of changes.  In those days, I’d naively thought that my body would stay the same since I was dedicated to maintaining my Pilates practice.  While I have indeed maintained my practice through thick and thin, and while I have made all sorts of improvements to my knowledge base and physical execution of my exercises, I have never repeated this rigorous morning routine.  I know that the rhythm and enthusiasm with which I consistently performed my workout was a key component to my weight loss.  I’m now wondering if the time of day also had something to do with it.  Perhaps a quick morning workout gave my metabolism (whatever that is), a booster start.  Or maybe not.  The reason, I even consider the possibility is because it’s pretty unlikely that I’m going to be able to workout at the same time regularly given my life as a mom.

Which brings me back around to the topic of self-doubt.  I’m not really sure that I can do this (lose weight by simply amping up my Pilates practice and being a wee bit more careful with what I eat).  It’s a test, a challenge, an experiment.  But I do want to do it.  So, having taken a cue from this lovely lady, I’m going to do it like this:

Starting the on the new moon (July 8th) and continuing till the full moon on October 18  (this makes a little over fourteen weeks total), I’m going to follow Joe Pilates’ prescription with four workouts per week.  Given my line of work, I may indeed end up doing more.  As far as my sensitive low back and abs go, I’m omitting the exercises that are riskiest for me and will supplement with some apparatus work (cadillac, reformer, wunda chair, and spine corrector depending on the day).  I may also do some other more gentle exercises which I call “Human Mechanics” on an as need basis.

To keep myself inspired and honest, I’m going to video-record myself in minimal clothing once a week and share it online.  I’ll also post a weekly update with my reflections and insights from the week, a photo to document progress, and key measurements (weight, waist, hips, and thighs).

I’m super excited for this challenge, it is coming at a good time for me.  Heeeeerrre I go!

This post has got my mental wheels turning. I scrolled through the comments and found a link to this program. But the honest truth is that the core is my professional speciality. So really, if anybody can figure out how to get the tummy flat (or as flat as it was pre-pregnancy), I can! It follows that if it’s worth doing, it’s worth sharing, because I know all too well, that I am not the only one with this situation.

What follows is a personal narrative, which I hope will help others to find their own personal narrative around their very own tummies. I am not pretending to be a licensed expert, just a very extensively trained Pilates instructor.

I never had a flat tummy. Period. Which means I always (even when I weighed in at 135 pounds and wore sizes 2 and 4 – I’m currently in the mid 150’s and only wear stretchy clothes) had a little bit of extra in the space between my navel and my pubic bone. And my current evening dose of bikini views thanks to our current version of passive meditation,has me noticing of late that even the skinniest gals have that little extra bit there. It’s just that when your skinny, there is only a teensy little bit.

Way back when, when I would do my Pilates workouts, I would often notice that my tummy stuck out as I was exercising (oh no! Say it isn’t so!!!). This meant that I was not in the pocket. This is not good, and perhaps part of the reason that I’m in my current pickle. I asked Romana once, “is my tummy supposed to be flat the entire time?” She said, “yes”. Of course she did. Because in Pilates we are supposed to be using all the layers of muscle in perfect coordination with each other, which means that the most superficial muscles (in this case the rectus abdominis) must not do more than their fair share. The superficial muscles are big show offs and are typically in the habit of doing far more than their assigned parcel of work. In a Pilates workout, we use mental focus to dial them down so that the other muscles can stand up and do their part.

Fast forward to pregnancy and the gradual increase of pressure on my tummy. Up down, forward back, inside out, all around, PRESSURE. I watched that little lump of fat change position. I asked my OB-GYN at one point what it was (so many changes, I found it challenging to keep tabs on everything all the time). She suggested fat. I agreed. Still there. Well of course. (I had some sort of strange hope that while my tummy stretched, the fat would spread out too. Silly me.)

I exercised very carefully throughout my pregnancy, always with the primary goal of keeping my body moving. I wasn’t interested in all that extra fluid settling any one place in particular. Or the little person in there settling any one place either. No, it seemed to me that it was best to keep everything moving, on account of all that pressure, you know.

Having heard stories from my colleagues of their own bouts with severe diastasis recti I had formulated one of my pet theories that people like us, who are admittedly rather obsessed with abdominal exercise might be more prone to having severe cases of this unfortunate tear of the linea alba which connects the two columns of our most superficial abdominal muscle (the one that gives us the “six pack”). Because exercise puts pressure on those muscles, and it is a challenge for each of us to get it just right (in the pocket) it follows that we Pilates instructors may have a higher propensity to experience this condition.

For that reason, and because I heeded the words of JHP, I have always been careful to go easy with my ab series. I’m not a high reps kind of Pilates instructor, and I usually remind myself and my clients that when it comes to burn in the abs, less is more. Because that rectus abdominis burns, but the transversus abdominis and the obliques not as much, at least not in the same way and not at first when the RA is used to being the one doing the lion’s share of the work. The key to the flat tummy are the latter mentioned, deeper layers of the abdominal wall. I knew that it wouldn’t serve me to do lots and lots of reps if my muscles were not lining up properly anyway. In other words, if I did lots and lots of reps with poor form (my tummy protruding as it were), then I’d simply be exacerbating the problem by building up my RA while continuing to leave my other deeper layers of musculature de-conditioned. As I’ve already pointed out, I never had a flat tummy, so it was clearly a reasonable first goal. What with all the other things that happen along the way (childbearing being the current one, but various injuries and other things to tend to) this is turning out to be a rather long term goal.

Having read this book cover to cover, as well as this one, and knowing what I did about my propensity for a split linea alba based on my line of work, I was very careful. But of course my abs stretched apart. That is what happens. So while I don’t believe that I ever had a tear, I had the normal amount of spreading. And here’s the thing. It’s still there. I’m not sure why. I’m thinking that it’s because I’m still nursing (this has been corroborated by my trusted support practitioners) and therefore still have the relaxin in my body.

(There is always that nagging feeling though, that perhaps, my over training of my superficial muscles has led me to this apparent split, because that is what it feels like. When I palpate my tummy I can distinctly feel the firm sections of my RA and they are sort of splayed out. Admittedly, it used to be worse by some measure, back when I had a fair amount of inflammation in my abdomen from the deeper layers of stuff having trouble getting comfortable again. And If I gather all my Pilates training inward and upward, the apparent splay disappears leaving a significantly flatter tummy – along a layer of flub.)

While on the one hand, I can find perfect reason for a lactating mom to have a soft tummy, heaven knows that my boy likes to squish it around. But. I am a Pilates instructor. And frankly, it’s not that much fun to have a belly like a bowl full of jelly. There is, as I’ve already confessed, also a fair amount of extra fat in that area right now. So that doesn’t help matters.

But! Here’s the good news. I’m seeing progress. Here’s what’s been happening. Since very shortly after my birth I have been taking care of the many layers of my abdomen, carefully shepherding each layer back into her place of comfort. Thanks in large part to my reading, and the careful care of my midwife, and others who I have surely mentioned before and will do so again and again and again and again, I have been able to monitor that each and every bit of my viscera, connective tissue, musculature, and skeleton, have gone back into their rightful home. So, my spine, ribs, and pelvic bones are doing well. So are my bladder, uterus, intestines (there are A LOT of those), liver, spleen. My psoas has demanded attention a few times to be sure, so has my diaphragm (those gals are real whip crackers, let me tell you). The fascia enveloping all these various layers of stuff are nice and slippery these days after several painfully assertive demands for attention. And all the ligaments seem to have regained as much of the elasticity that they are going to until weening time. As for the muscles of my abdominal wall, I’ve been tending to them with the same tender loving care that I’ve always applied, and I’m fairly confident that they’ll lay right once weening occurs. (I say fairly, because neurosis begs me to hedge my bets, see above). And as far as the fat goes, well I’ve already shared my plan for that. There are some more updates, which I’ll get to soon enough. But it would seem that we are on the right track.

My point in all this, is to share just how much I have seen go into what I have faith will someday again be my flat (ish) tummy. While it probably goes without saying, and I already sort of did, I’m going to do it again anyway. For emphasis. That the body of the mother needs and therefore deserves a tremendous amount of care and support to bear children and to return to herself afterward. As we each have our own soul journey, so we each have our own body journey. But we share enough commonalities that sharing our stories can be a powerful vehicle for our individual and collective empowerment as women and mothers.

That’s my tummy story. Layer by layer. Someday approaching flat. All this tummy talk reminded me of a tip that a client gave me from her nursing days. I’ll post that one next.